Held in His Arms: A Story of Redemption After Abortion

A Note Before I Begin:

Before I share this, I want you to know something important: I write to both the believer and the unbeliever, to the one who knows Jesus and to the one who isn’t sure yet. I try to meet every reader right where they are - because I know what it’s like to live with shame, questions, and pain.

There’s no judgment here, only love and grace. The same love and grace my Heavenly Father poured over me, I now extend to you.

The Part of My Story I Wanted to Hide

There are some parts of your story you never expect to share out loud.

For a long time, abortion was that part for me. It was the chapter I wanted ripped out of my story - the one I thought I’d carry like a scarlet letter, hidden and locked away.

I’ve had four abortions. And as a result, I’ve also endured four miscarriages. So much loss. So much pain. It felt like the enemy had stolen not just my children, but pieces of my heart each time.

The Grief That Lingers

I can never undo the choices I made. I can’t go back and un-live those moments or un-feel the pain.

The grief? It still visits me sometimes. Quietly. Unexpectedly.

- In the middle of a worship song.

- During a baby dedication.

- Even walking through a store aisle filled with tiny shoes and soft blankets.

It sneaks up, reminding me of what I lost. But I’ve learned something holy through it: I don’t carry that grief alone.

“No Big Deal” - The Lie I Believed

For a long time, I told myself abortion was “no big deal.” Just a choice. Just something I had to do. I buried the emotions, the questions, the whispers of regret.

But the truth? It was a big deal. Not just because of what I lost, but because of what it did to my heart and soul. Quietly, slowly, it broke me down with guilt I didn’t want to name and grief I didn’t want to feel.

The grief doesn’t always shout. Sometimes it shows up in silence - when you least expect it. A baby dedication. A lullaby. An empty ache you can’t explain. I carried that ache like it was mine alone.

Where Jesus Met Me

And yet - that’s exactly where Jesus met me.

In the middle of my denial.

In the middle of my pain.

In the grief I thought I had to bury forever.

He didn’t shame me. He didn’t turn away. He held me with mercy I didn’t even know I needed.

Healing in Community

Almost thirty years ago, God led me into a Bible study just for post-abortive women - daughters of God silently drowning in shame, guilt, and secrets.

I walked into that room nervous, guarded, and trembling. But what I found there was a circle of women with stories like mine. We cried, we prayed, we opened our wounds. And slowly, with tear-stained pages and raw honesty, we laid it all down at the feet of Jesus.

And He met us there. Not with condemnation… but with compassion. Not with judgment… but with mercy.

The Cross Covered Even This

I will never stop being grateful for the cross. Because it was there - at Calvary - where even this was covered. Even this.

My abortions and miscarriages are part of my past, but they are not the end of my story. Jesus is. His blood didn’t miss a spot. Not even this one.

I can’t make it right. But Jesus already has. My babies are with Him. Whole. Safe. Loved. That truth has changed me forever.

One day, I will see them again. That’s not just a comforting thought - it’s a sacred promise. Until then, I rest in knowing they are held in His arms, just like I am.

Why I Speak Up

Because of what I’ve lived through, I am forever committed to the pro-life movement. Not out of politics or pressure, but out of love.

I’ve sat with the fear.

I’ve believed the lies.

I’ve felt the shame.

I know what it’s like to be convinced you have no choice. And I want women like me to know: you are not alone. There is another way. There is help. And more than anything - there is healing.

I’ll keep speaking up - not because I’m proud of my past, but because I’m amazed by my Savior.

I’ll keep reaching out - not because I want attention, but because I don’t want another woman to sit in silence and think her story is unredeemable.

I’ll keep pointing women to the One who heals hearts and rewrites stories.

Because I know that place. I’ve been there.

But not anymore. No, not anymore.

Pause & Reflect

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” ~ Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

1. Have you ever carried a part of your story in silence, believing it was too heavy or too shameful to bring to God?

2. How does it change your perspective to know that even this - whatever “this” is for you - was covered at the cross?

3. What would it look like for you to take that hidden grief, guilt, or shame and lay it at Jesus’ feet today?

Jesus, thank You for meeting me in the places I thought were unredeemable. Thank You that Your blood covers even the deepest parts of my past. Heal my heart, silence the lies, and help me to walk in the freedom You purchased for me. Remind me that I am loved, forgiven, and held in Your arms - always. Amen.

A Note From My Heart

P.S. Sis, if your heart is aching from abortion, miscarriage, or loss - please reach out. I’ve been there, and I would count it a privilege to pray for you and remind you of the love and grace that changed everything for me. You don’t have to carry this alone.

Resources for Hope & Healing

You don’t have to walk this road alone. If you’re carrying the pain of abortion or miscarriage, there is help, hope, and healing available. Here are a few places to start:

Choices Pregnancy Centers – choicesaz.com

A safe, confidential place offering support, counseling, and healing for women and men walking through unplanned pregnancies or past abortions.

Surrendering the Secret – surrenderingthesecret.com

A powerful Bible study that helps women heal from the hurt of abortion and find freedom in Christ.

SaveOne – saveone.org

International ministry offering post-abortion support groups and resources for women, men, and families.